“Finding Myself” Lyrics
Album: El Renacimiento (The Rebirth), 2022
Style: Pop. Carla’s heartfelt song about reckoning with depression and her journey to reach a good mental state.
Country: Mexico
Listen: YouTube
Translation:
Se acabó, ya la mentira está en mi cuerpo.
Toda esta falsedad ha roto mis adentros.
Entregué mi todo, olvidé mi centro,
Cedí por apostar, soy infeliz, es cierto.
It ended, now the lie is on my body.
All this falseness has broken my insides.
I gave my all, I forgot my center,
I yielded for a chance, I am unhappy, it’s true.
Ya no quiero seguir,
Dejé de sonreír,
Entre todo perdí
Toda razón para vivir.
Quiero volver a mí
La persona que fui.
I don’t want to continue anymore,
I stopped smiling,
Above it all I lost
All my reason to live.
I want to return to me
The person that I was.
Encontrarme otra vez,
Buscar dónde fallé,
Redimir el por qué,
Encontrarme y volver a creer.
Find myself again,
Search out where I went wrong,
Reclaim the why,
Find myself and start believing again.
Debo enfrentar la lluvia y el tormento,
Toda mi obscuridad, lo que marca el recuerdo,
Voy a analizar las heridas que tengo,
Aunque duela al tocar, voy a sanar con tiempo.
I must confront the rain and the torment,
All my darkness, what marks the memory,
I am going to analyze the wounds I have,
Even though they hurt to touch, I will heal with time.
Ya no quiero seguir,
Dejé de sonreír,
Entre todo perdí,
Toda razón para vivir.
Quiero volver a mí
La persona que fui.
I don’t want to continue anymore,
I stopped smiling,
Above it all I lost
All my reason to live.
I want to return to me
The person that I was.
Encontrarme otra vez,
Buscar dónde fallé,
Redimir el por qué,
Encontrarme y volver a creer.
(x2)
Find myself again,
Search out where I went wrong,
Reclaim the why,
Find myself and start believing again.
(x2)
Puru-buru-par-ah...
La verdad que duele
Libera por dentro,
Muy dentro-uh-uh
El temor se esfuma,
Solo veo el cielo.
The truth that hurts
Liberates inside,
Deep inside-ide-uh,
The fear vanishes,
All I see is the sky (the heavens).
Encontrarme otra vez,
Buscar dónde fallé,
Redimir el por qué,
Encontrarme y volver a creer.
(x2)
Find myself again,
Search out where I went wrong,
Reclaim the why,
Find myself and start believing again.
(x2)
Translation Notes:
I really like that Carla Morrison made this album, El Renacimiento (The Rebirth), 2022. As someone who liked her music since I heard her first album in 2012, I always loved her voice but also felt concern for her sadness. Her lyrics displayed her ability to love deeply, to give all of herself for love, and her hopes and dreams, but they also showed the emotional downs of that love not being reciprocated or not feeling secure. Her first single in 2009 was “Esta Soledad“, a song about loneliness.
I try not to go down the rabbit hole of investigating everything about celebrities, but I learned while looking up this album that Carla Morrison in real life is reckoning with her depression, accepting that this is a problem and working through it. I’m happy for her! She made this the last song of her 2022 album, wisely indicating that mental health is an ongoing journey and doesn’t end when you find moments of great happiness.
Cedí por apostar
I yielded for a chance
I gave in for a bet/gamble
Encontrarme y volver a creer.
Find myself and start believing again.
Find myself and return to believing.
Debo enfrentar la lluvia y el tormento,
Toda mi obscuridad
I must confront the rain and the torment,
All my darkness
“The torment” (el tormento) is correct here. “The rain and the storm” would be la lluvia y la tormenta. The difference is that una tormenta is a weather storm, whereas un tormento is mental anguish or torment, which I suppose is a type of mental storm. The reason rain is mentioned is for visual imagery. Later, she continues this metaphor:
El temor se esfuma,
<Solo> veo [el cielo].
The fear vanishes,
All I see is [the sky (the heavens)].
The fear disappears like smoke,
I <only> see [the sky].
The Spanish word for “smoke” is el humo, “smoking” as in smoking cigarettes is fumar, and esfumarse is a verb meaning “to disappear, to vanish, to fade away”. The visual imagery is that it is like smoke dispersing, or a fog lifting.
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